Serious post?

I really really fail at having a blog that is supposed to be about my 'real life' or 'real thoughts' and all that. I guess it's the whole "The internet is a scary place filled with crazy people. BE CAREFUL" mentality. So my blogs always end up as me fangirling. Not particularly interesting unless you're in the fandom itself.

Some people have a certain... eloquence.. when writing that I just can't seem to grasp. Could this be the cause of mostly being in science side? Unlikely, since I do have friends who were from science side who write their blog with... with... darn my lack of vocabulary, another word that means the same thing as eloquence DX

Anyway, less of my musings and more about my life. Life is okay. Ups and downs, mostly ups, thank goodness. I'm still trying to figure out how to do my research. Sigh... Maybe it's the language barrier or maybe it's my fault. The people in my lab seem to assume that I know what I'm supposed to be doing without actually explaining it to me. Umm yeah, I know that I may speak your language with A LITTLE BIT of fluency but when you start throwing big words around and speak in really really long roundabout sentences, it's like I'm trying to grasp at straws trying to understand. But then, maybe it's my fault for not asking when I don't understand something.

Therein lies one of my problems. I can't ask for help easily. Every time I ask for something(help/favor), it's like I'm ripping out a part of me and putting it to someone else's mercy. It took me ages just to get the courage to ask my senior to help me with something in my research. Sigh... Psychologically, I suppose I don't dare to ask because I'm afraid to look like an idiot in front of people. Darn pride... And if I do ask you a favor, it's because I'm really really really desperate and I'll be steeling myself for a response that would shoot me down. Sigh... It doesn't help that my professor gives me the "How do you not know this???" at most of my questions. MOST. Not all. Arghhhhhh. Why am I in engineering again? T__T

Well this turn out to be an introspective piece rather than about real life. Probably another reason why I fail at writing blogs since I'm more to the introspective side. Or narcissistic. Or something LOL.
Me + Alone with my thoughts = Broodiness = Procastination